Years that question and years that answer

“There are years that question and years that answer,” writes Zora Neale Hurston in her famous novel Their Eyes Were Watching God.

Looking back on my sophomore year of college, I can honestly say that I don’t know if this was a year of questions or answers—probably a good mix of both. If one thing is certain, it is that I felt like a wise fool this year, and I feel little better off than when I started. I came into the year with humility, and I’m even more humbled than I was when my sophomore year began. I more fully understand my own shortcomings and limitations, but I also have experienced a number of triumphs to give me the boost I need to keep going.

I’ve learned the power of a second chance—at friendship, love, and other previously failed responsibilities. I’ve been reminded that the most valuable skills are not those we naturally possess, but they are the ones that we develop over years and years of struggle and perseverance. I’ve learned to be vulnerable and to let others comfort me instead of trying to single-handedly bare each load on my own shoulders. Some burdens were simply never meant to be carried alone. I’ve learned how to wait and to let others make decisions for themselves, even if I would have done something drastically different in their shoes, and I’ve seen that my decision in those cases would have been wrong. I’ve had the opportunity to rejoice over my wrongness when I see a friend succeed. Being wrong is not always bad; sometimes it is a very, very good thing. I’ve learned that so-called setbacks can actually be steps forward in another direction. I’ve learned that differences of opinion, lifestyle, culture, or personality are instructive and can sometimes be beautiful.

Those are answers, but I still have many questions. For example, when do I know I’m ready to teach? What does it take? How do I teach well, instead of just not teaching poorly? How do I overcome my own insecurities and learn to trust? Is trust a one-time conscious decision as some assert, or is it something that must be reaffirmed each day? How can I better manage and make the most of my time? My money?

Maybe I’ll know by this time next year. But I’ll probably have more questions by then.