In my devotions over the past few months, I've been reading through Genesis--the first book of the Bible, the book of beginnings, a book filled with incredible history and stories of personal growth. And over the past few months there have been moments when I've read myself into the stories, as we are all prone to do. Even though there have been those moments, more often I've been seeing just how faithful God is, even when we as humans are totally faithless.
Today, I finally made it to Genesis 46 and 47, after Joseph's identity has been revealed and his family is in the process of moving south to Goshen in Egypt. On the way, I'm sure there were a thousand thoughts going through Jacob's head. I can't believe my son is alive! I finally get to see him again! But now I and all of my children and grandchildren are leaving the land the Lord promised to me and my fathers. Will I ever see this place again? Is what I'm doing really part of God's plan? Is this right? And if we don't leave Canaan, we'll all starve anyways!
And God sets his fears at ease. “I am God, the God of your father,” he said. “Do not be afraid to go down to Egypt, for I will make you into a great nation there. I will go down to Egypt with you, and I will surely bring you back again. And Joseph’s own hand will close your eyes.” Not only do God's people have a guide down into Egypt, they receive the best of the land while they're there, and they have the promise of returning to their homeland. Was it what Jacob, Isaac, and Abraham had always pictured for their family? Probably not. But, you know what, I think near the end of his life, Jacob finally got it.
Pharaoh asks Jacob how old he is, and this is Jacob's reply: "The years of my pilgrimage are a hundred and thirty. My years have been few and difficult, and they do not equal the years of the pilgrimage of my fathers."
I think he's got John Bunyan beat by a few thousand years.
Today, I've started pondering something, though, and my thoughts on the subject are admittedly still in the works and probably won't make a whole lot of sense. But are we pilgrims here, or are we pioneers? Last spring, I felt like I had my whole life planned out. I had recently started dating a really nice guy, my freshman year of college was drawing to a close, and I felt like I was well on my way to finishing my senior year with a ring on my left hand and a degree that tells everyone how prepared I am to be a high school English teacher.
Jessica...You silly little freshman.
Now, the future feels like one big tabula rasa. I'm really starting to wonder if I'm cut out to be a teacher. Do I really love teaching, or do I just love the idea of teaching? Could I handle teaching in a public school as I'd like to, with all of my limitations in the aspect of cultural diversity? Do I have the patience it takes to teach students with special needs? What would I do if I wasn't a teacher? And how do I feel about being single again? The past few weeks, I'm not going to lie, it's actually been really nice. But now that I see a number of my friends pairing up, has that changed my emotional status? If not yet, will I let it? I guess it sounds like I already have.
But that's all the nitty-gritty. The big issue I'm trying to address here is this: What do you do when things don't work out as you plan? Because, let's face it. They usually don't. Normally, I'm the adventurous type. "Oh, let's go into the city! I've never been there before. We don't have a map of Frankfurt? No problem! I know some basic German phrases. We can figure it out, right?" (during our layover in Frankfurt while returning to the States from Nigeria...) So why don't I feel the same when it comes to life? Is it just because it's so much bigger and scarier than one city?
This is where I was when I thought of the pioneers. And, yes, they were pilgrims of a sort. They were traveling somewhere, but they didn't exactly know where. Scary? As heck. Fun? Not always. Worth it?
Yes.
Because then I started thinking of all the beautiful places that had never been seen by the human eye before. All of the canyons, the waterfalls, the forests, the streams, the sunsets, the wildlife. Would any of it have been discovered if someone hadn't gone off the beaten trail? What if those pioneers hadn't removed themselves from their comfort zone? Would we know about any of it if someone hadn't been willing to feel a bit, well, lost?
When I was a little girl, my parents would take us out for rides on the back roads of Lancaster County. My dad, with his typical sadistic sense of humor, would wait until the sun was just going down over the hills before beginning to lament, "We're lost!" You wouldn't believe how I'd freak out. Were we lost? Not really. We had a map in the car, and my dad knew how to drive. We were fine. My parents also tell me that when they first moved to the area, that's how they learned to find their way around: They let themselves go out and get a little lost now and then. Now, when it comes to driving around Lancaster, I don't worry about getting lost. I've got a pretty good sense of direction.
But life's like that sometimes. Sometimes, you have to be a pioneer and go off somewhere you aren't familiar with. You don't end up where you planned; sometimes you end up somewhere better, seeing beautiful sights that you wouldn't have if you'd stayed on the trail.
Just make sure you have a good Driver with a map.
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